2021.12.06 02:37 FanHonest7480 17F Turning 18 in half an hour! :P
2021.12.06 02:37 MrsRustyShack My 8 Month Rant on How I'm Doing After my Husband Died from Leukemia.
Okay 8 months now since Randy died and everyone keeps telling me I need to write it down, so here it goes.
You wanna know how I'm doing? This 29 year old widow who thought she had found the love of her life only to have it ripped away?
This is the most insidious heinous horrible thing I can imagine. My life feels like it has been a fucking joke on me.
I had a rough childhood. My mom died when I was 8. When my dad remarried, my stepmother didn't like me very much. I moved out at 17 and met my husband shortly after that while we were still in high-school. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
We were inseparable. I mean that to it's fullest extent. We were with each other everyday until we moved in together. Couldn't get enough of each other. The only time we were really apart throughout all the years was when he spent those 5 months in the hospital during his last year.
We had goals and plans except I had a lot of mental health issues from losing my mom and my childhood. It took away from the happiness of our relationship and held me back from figuring my own life out.
However, Randy was always super patient with me. We were always a team and when one of us was down, the other would pick them up.
We got married and were about to graduate college when he suddenly got leukemia. He fought for his life for a year and then died leaving me here alone.
The only "good" thing I feel like I have ever done with my life was take care of him while he was dying. It will always be the role in life I took the most pride in. I tried my damndest to make his last year of life as magical and beautiful as it could be. I like to think I did a pretty good job considering we were in the middle of a global pandemic and were super quarantined to the house when he wasn't admitted to the hospital.
But now all our hopes and dreams gone. The reality of this has only further set in over the last 8 months. Do you know how expensive it is to have the provider of the house die? Lol enough to be drounding in debt. Literally drounding. Six figures drounding.
Everyday I have to face reality that I'm about to be making 14.50 an hour to work in an assisted living facility helping the elderly. And my husband was about to have his mechanical engineering degree and already had a full time engineering job lined up at a promising company.
I was about to have my bachelors degree too but I don't know if I'll ever be able to finish it even though I'm 3 solid semesters away.
I can't say this honestly enough.
I just don't want to do anything anymore.
I have Zero energy left for anything.
Like I get to struggle for the rest of my life to pay of a bunch of debt just for some ludicrous hope that I will one day be happy again somehow?
It all seems so stupidly pointless after watching my whole husband's adult life start to finish. Like what was the point of all that? The struggle.
He was the best thing in my entire world and all I have left is the shell of a life we had together. A life that seems pointless and a life that is no longer my future.
We spent a decade building a life together only to have it completely wiped clean in an instant.
While other people get to have hopes, dreams and goals.. I'll be here in purgatory. Everytime I ever try to have hopes, dreams and goals, it bites me in the ass. That's where disappointment comes from. Those things never seem to happen for me.
I'll keep trying to be the best person I can be and I'll keep trying to live my life to the fullest. However everyday feels like I'm just waiting for my life to end now because all I want to do is go home to Randy.
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2021.12.06 02:37 Rethread My brother's dead. I was trusted to care for his daughter.
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2021.12.06 02:37 Pingbock-Seek lurrus permanant Combo Deck!
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2021.12.06 02:37 sadfanfiction Hey man, uhhhh how ya doing up there?
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2021.12.06 02:37 -Z-3-R-0- Album cover for my next project, a 6-track EP dropping either tomorrow or the day after.
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2021.12.06 02:37 sweaterextoll Eggs...not juts fpr breakfast anymore
2021.12.06 02:37 Id_rather_be_napping Shortcut doesn’t work when launched from Home Screen
My shortcut works fine when launched from within the Shortcuts app or with Siri. If I add it to the Home Screen and run it, it doesn’t work. Any ideas?
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2021.12.06 02:37 I_MAIN_AZIR You in the club and this guy slaps your girlfriend on the ass, wyd?
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2021.12.06 02:37 Potential-Lobster-23 I would love if someone could give this picture I took a try
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2021.12.06 02:37 chodupenguin_43 poking the panda it is
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2021.12.06 02:37 RainbowCrown71 If you think you're the biggest Christmas fan in Virginia, think again. Tamera from Altavista has you beat. Was shown on TLC UK.
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2021.12.06 02:37 immaculatevibez9 A random assortment of tunes / 308 hours of love 🌠
2021.12.06 02:37 ZoobBot 190860
2021.12.06 02:37 SagginOn LF: Slakoth
2021.12.06 02:37 A_Curious_Nikkia I 22 Trans F am back from a much needed break and working night shift. What is everyone up to tonight?
2021.12.06 02:37 TheMedicineShell Ichu Aja Explained - What is the Purpose of Sacrifice? (Igbo Spiritualit...
2021.12.06 02:37 TapGameplay121 Every time I try and load up the game, it freezes at this screen. Fifa was working yesterday, but just stopped working.
2021.12.06 02:37 cthompsonguy Advent Calendar days 4 and 5
I appreciated the simple but well-designed build from day 4. I like the use of the clear pieces to make it look like the 4 legs are holding it up, and the stud shooter as a "snowball thrower" was a fun touch. Is this this first time we have a "saber hilt" piece in black? Sounds useful for a Sith MOC of some kind.
Then there was day 5... One of the worst useless filler days I've seen, and that's saying something because my wife and I used to get the Harry Potter calendars. They could have at least printed something on the red pieces - Rebel or Empire logos would have made it a very useful piece for MOC builders.
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2021.12.06 02:37 Cowicide The minimum.
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2021.12.06 02:37 jess_gug Took the plunge on Basque cheesecake! Chef's kiss!
2021.12.06 02:37 kdrumz011 How will the coverage be in my area?
Trying to decide if I’ll have any coverage inside my home and around my house since I’m outside a lot and WiFi doesn’t reach.
What do the symbols mean?
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2021.12.06 02:37 Jayssonwithay Hair product
What is the best product to hold my hair place without drying my scalp. I get dandruff easily and I want you avoid that. I use daily coconut shampoo and conditioner to wash right now. I also use coconut oil spray when my hair feels dry. I have straight thick hair
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2021.12.06 02:37 rWordCloudBot Word Cloud for: "What’s the worst thing to do right after you get out the shower?" - Comments (2416)
2021.12.06 02:37 Signal-Success How do I recommend the anime without coming off as a total weirdo
Me and a group of friends are currently watching Neon genesis Evangeline and when we finish it are going to watch a different anime. We were talking and I tried to recommend this and when told to describe it I just could not coming up with something that did not make me sound like a weirdo. The description I gave is as follows "Basically a child who is like 9 in a alternate WWI were magic exists and kicks ass." If you got a better description I would love to hear it.
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